Guilt Trips

My parents have never been big on guilt trips and they make it so that I never have to feel guilty no matter where I go for the holidays. This year for Mother’s Day though my Mom kept asking what my plans were. I kept saying that I didn’t know because it was graduation weekend and I couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal. At one point I made a comment about how we would be going home for Mother’s Day because it was really important to my Mom but I wasn’t really sure why. I didn’t understand until Melissa walked through the door for my graduation. My Mom wasn’t trying to have me home for Mother’s Day but was trying to have me home to spend time with Melissa and the rest of the family. I GET IT!!!! I am so glad that even this guilt trip wasn’t a real guilt trip but I could just tell it was important. Man I am one lucky girl!

Finals Week

Finals week pretty much consisted of study, tests, study, tests, eat, sleep, study, tests, study, tests and then I would start all over again. I had 9 finals in 4 days and I hope to NEVER do that again! Marc was working his first full week of graveyard shifts and it was just a rough week. Marc has always been my final buddy (well at least for the past 3 years) and I really missed having that support around! I just kept waiting for graduation to come and then I could relax. If only I could have known how awesome graduation was going to be and that all of that stress was going to be worth it. I kept dreaming that it would be worth it but I am so glad that it was!!!

A Blog A Day

I have been trying really hard to have a blog a day until I catch up on all of the things I want to blog about. I realize I am still a month behind but I am getting closer to being caught up. However, blogger is being dumb! So if I haven't posted for a couple of days it is because it won't let me but it seems to like me at the moment....so we shall see!

Working Out

One of the consequences of my endometriosis is that I have felt very weak for the past two years. This has meant that there hasn’t been a lot of working out and I haven’t loved that or the weight gain that came as a side effect. I was super excited to find out that I was finally feeling strong enough to work out and had the energy to follow through with that desire. So I finally worked out for the first time in months! It felt fabulous and I was impressed that I was able to make it through a workout! I am hoping that gradually I will be able to implement a regular workout regiment and enjoy the blessings that come from working out. Wish me luck!

Marc the Grease Monkey

Marc recently found out that his brakes were in desperate need of replacing. Due to financial circumstances we didn’t have the 200+ for new brakes and Marc decided to start biking to and from work and around town. He enjoyed his new workout regiment but was hoping to have his car fixed soon. He then started researching what it would take to fix them himself. After only $50 for brakes and the tools he was able to fix the situation himself. He did have a few agitating moments when it didn’t work as easily as he wanted. I figured with all the stress and frustration that he wouldn’t be excited to repeat the process again but I was very mistaken. He got done and was so excited to be a grease monkey and to do the brakes on my car next. I am grateful that he is so self-sufficient and I feel this is a great blessing to our family. I also love that anything he doesn’t know already that is super eager to learn and grow. What an inspiration!

Mr. Monk Books

Marc came in to visit me at work the other day and for some extraneous circumstances he had to wait for a few minutes for us to eat lunch together. In his waiting he decided to find a book to read. He quickly found a Mr. Monk book and fell in love. Before I knew it we were checking out the rest of the series and I was trying to find them on audio book. They aren’t the most fabulous books on the planet but if you liked the TV show then they are good. I am currently on book 3 and Marc only has 3 books left. It has been fun to read the same book so that we can talk about it but next time I get to pick the series!

Max is KICKED OUT

When we got Max he spent a lot of his time between the house and the mud room. He seemed to enjoy being in the house and liked being able to see the outside world from the mud room. I didn’t let Kovu in very often because he is really hyper and terrorizes the kitty cats. Well as of graduation weekend I decided that Max was going outside with Kovu. It has been a few weeks now and the dogs really enjoy having the other dog around. They seem to always be playing and goofing off and I have less hair in my house! I hope that everyone will continue to enjoy this arrangement and will have to figure out what to do when winter strikes again and the ground is littered with snow. Luckily it is June and that feels like a long ways away!

Mother’s Day Blankets

I always have crafty ideas when it just is too little too late and Mother’s Day held true to tradition. I came up with a brilliant plan to make fleece blankets for our Mommies the week before Mother’s Day and a week is plenty of time. Except that it was finals week and graduation week and I didn’t have a moment to breathe! So needless to say this is a project that will be finished only like a month late… oops! I do hope the Mommies enjoy them and understand the love that went into them and I will try to remember to post how they turned out. I like these ones a lot and am hoping to make a blanket for me out of the scraps. If it works out as planned then it will be fabulous for everyone! I just have to finish Mommy Dennis’ blanket by June when I go to visit for the Girl’s Weekend and then get my Mommy’s blanket done ASAP!

NO MORE SCHOOL!

Can you even believe it? I sure can’t…. That means no more homework, or textbooks, or studying, or late nights (unless I choose), or silly assignments, or term papers, or stressing, or feeling guilty for taking a night off, or so many other terrible things. I sat on my couch tonight. I just sat there. I didn’t have a textbook or I wasn’t trying to interpret an assignment or any other school related thing. It was FABULOUS! I didn’t have to feel guilty or worry about getting behind. I could totally get used to this new life but I guess not too used to it just yet.

Date Night

Can I just say that one my favorite perks about Marc’s new job is Date Night. I LOVE having date night with Marc and it has been something that has been slacking over the past two years based on scheduling conflicts. I love that we have a couple of days together now and at least one night dedicated to just be ours. For this night we decided to see the movie that we missed for my birthday and off we went to see Hunger Games. It was a good movie but I didn’t love the filming style or the guy next to us that texted through the ENTIRE movie. What I did love was the really cheap Cold Stone (I love coupons!) and the company! I love that date night doesn’t always have to be a movie or going out to dinner but that it is more about just being together. I can’t wait until next week!

Pathetic Bug Catching

One of the things that I love about the cats is that I don’t have to catch bugs anymore! It is fabulous! If a bug happens to make it into my house then one of the cats tracks it down and it is eaten or disposed of in some way. I think this is the most marvelous thing and Marc is fond of it too because he used to be the bug catcher. In fact, I told Marc that he had to agree to that before I would marry him…. I really hate bugs. Anyway, so late one night we ended up with like 3 moths in the house when we let the dogs in for the night. I didn’t want to sleep with the bugs flying around and so we tried to put them back outside or help the cats catch them. We got two of them back outside and then the cats caught the third one. I wanted to make sure that the cats would finish the poor thing off and not let it back around the house before I went to bed. I watched as the cats just played and played and played with the poor moth. I kept making comments about their pathetic bug catching skills and didn’t your mother ever teach you not to play with your food! But much to my dismay the playing continued. Finally Marc came to my rescue by bringing Carmel into the room. Within two minutes Carmel had eaten the moth and I was free to go to bed. I felt bad about mocking their bug catching skills because I haven’t had to catch a bug in months but it was pretty pathetic to watch them just play and play and play with the moth. I guess I only thought that because I was sleepy and everyone knows not to mess with my sleep…. Well I guess the cats don’t know that just yet!

Mother's Day

Over the past few years, I have had the realization that I most likely will not get to be a mother in this lifetime and that has taken a lot of tears and a lot of patience to try and understand. I feel that though I can’t be a mother to my own children that I try really hard to be a mother to those around me or to take on a mothering-ish role. I call my niece and nephews “my kiddos” and I try to interact with kids as much as possible. But knowing that I am not a “mother” can make Mother’s Day really hard. Even when I hear comments like “Happy Mother’s Day to you too…. Oh wait, I guess you aren’t a mother yet.” REALLY!!! Who needs those comments? I really feel like Mother’s Day is for all women. One of the greatest examples that I have for a mother doesn’t actually qualify by the worldly standards but anyone who tells me she isn’t a mother is sorely mistaken. I am so grateful for all of the wonderful women in my life and for how each of you has shaped me and my husband into the people that we are. I love that Marc still calls and talks to his mother quite often and I love that she has been such a wonderful mother to him. I am so grateful for my own mother and for the other mothers that I have had. I am grateful for the mother’s of my friends and how they would take me into their home. I am grateful for the various mothers that I have had through my employment and through church. I hope that you all had a fabulous Mother’s Day, even for those like me who are “mothers”.

Graduation

Oh my goodness! I cannot even believe that I have graduated from NAU. It almost seems like a surreal dream and someone is going to wake me up and tell me that I have to go for one more semester (which I do have to attend summer school) but more like I just can’t believe that I am done. The past few years have had their shares of struggles and trials and the fact that I was even able to pull off a 3.anything GPA is amazing! I have become a different person than the freshman just a few years ago. I am so excited to be done with this chapter of my life and to not have it hanging over me anymore. I WON! I didn’t let life hold me back and I didn’t let the trials and struggles of the past few years deter me from getting to where I wanted. I didn’t let people hold me back or listen to the negativity that was being spewed at me. Next year I will graduate with my Interpreting Certificate and in a few more years I will have my Master’s degree. What an amazing thought! But now on to the graduation story… So graduation day came and my family and Marc’s family were planning on being there. I knew a few family members and friends wouldn’t be able to make it but I was looking forward to my day. I was working on my Mother’s Day present when my parents stopped by before the ceremony. As I watched my parents, Aunt Gerry, and Mikkel file through the door, I realized that they had an extra person with them… MELISSA!!!! I had known that there was no way in heck that Melissa would be making it to my graduation and I was okay with that. She lives in Jerusalem for crying out loud! But her and Chris had decided that it was important to be there on that day to support me and I am so grateful that they did! It was so nice to have her there. It sounds really silly but I had been really sad that I was doing my own hair for graduation and was really worried about putting the cap on right but with Melissa there I didn’t have to worry anymore! We were all able to make it to the ceremony together and everyone sat as a group while I went to go find the graduates. I almost graduated with a nursing degree rather than a degree in the Interdisciplinary Studies of Speech Language Technology (yeah, I don’t get it either!). I just sat down in the nursing section and luckily realized before the ceremony began…oops! I wanted to make sure that I was looking at my family when I stopped for my photo but had a moment of panic when I couldn’t find them in the crowd. Luckily Marc made sure that I could find the family and I was able to relax once again. After the ceremony, we were able to take some family photos and I think they turned out great! Afterwards we went to my favorite Mexican Restaurant (Tacos Los Altos) and had a great time laughing and chatting. I was supposed to hang out with the Dennis’ on Saturday and then my family on Sunday but with Melissa flying out on Sunday morning, I quickly changed my plans. Thank fully I have the best in-laws in the world and they were really understanding of the entire situation. We were able to spend Saturday as a family and then on Sunday (Mother’s Day) Marc was even able to come down for a bit. It was a really special occasion and I really appreciated everyone’s efforts in making it the occasion that I had hoped for. It meant so much to me that Melissa would sacrifice that much for my graduation day and that everyone else made the necessary arrangements to be there too. My in-laws had a 12 hour drive to get here and Aunt Gerry had to get the day off of work and my Mom had to miss Friday school. What an awesome bunch of family I have! I haven't actually gotten my graduation photos back yet and I am too lazy to go steal the photo off of Melissa's blog but this is my graduation invite that I designed. I thought it was pretty fun!

Kiara and Her Ice Cream

Kiara has always liked milk more than the other cats and so I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that she LOVES ice cream. I didn’t intend to feed her ice cream but as I was serving some the other day it fell on the floor. I wasn’t going to eat it anymore and so I threw it into her food dish. She wouldn’t even let the other cats get near it. She kept boxing them out and pushing them away. She would bop Carmel on the head when he would get too close. She finished eating it and there was still plenty to spare so Aurora and Carmel got some too. I have NEVER seen her get so defensive over her food. I made this same mistake the next week with French Vanilla ice cream instead of Vanilla ice cream and she wouldn’t even go near it. Apparently that girl is picky about ALL of her food and I need to stop throwing food on the floor!

Baby Showers/Bridal Showers Galore!

Wow, in a two week period of time I will have attended 2 baby showers and 1 bridal shower. I haven’t been to one since I was married…. I don’t think and suddenly I have to attend 3! The showers were really fun to attend and I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends who are having these new adventures in their lives. In the next few weeks, I will be attending at least 1 more bridal showers and 3 more baby showers…. Wow! In my professional opinion, baby showers are easier to shop for but only if it is their first baby.

Girl’s Night

One night I was laying in bed trying to get up the motivation to study just a little bit more for my finals when my phone rang. Megan was calling to see if I was up for a girl’s night. I quickly had to calculate who much I needed to study vs. how much I needed to have a break. The break one out and I was able to enjoy a nice night out. She had heard that one of the local Mexican restaurants was having a special and we were able to get a LOT of food for really, really CHEAP. It made me all the more grateful for our girl’s night. It was so nice to have a conversation that didn’t revolve around work or school. I was able to just enjoy a night out. Thank you Megan and call again soon!

Kiara Not Eating

We recently received some extra cat food from my parents and I was so excited to not have to buy new cat food for a LONG time. But Kiara simply started refusing to eat. One brand she wouldn’t eat at all and the other brand she would immediately vomit back up. I kept thinking that she was just being a picky eater and that she would eventually get hungry enough but after several days and her starting to lose a lot of weight, I gave in. The poor thing scarfed down her old food in record time and then was ready for more. I was telling Melissa that I felt like a hypocrite because I had always said that if my kids were picky eaters than they could eat what I made or go hungry and I didn’t hold true to that. She reminded me though that I had no way of knowing why Kiara wouldn’t eat the food. It could have been because it was making her sick and listening to our kids is different than allowing them to be picky. She reminded me of the journey they had with Jaikob and all of his allergies. Kiara is allergic to plastic but I don’t know if she has other allergies and I know she has a sensitive stomach. I am just grateful she is eating again and if it means I give in to her picky ways then I will.

First Sewing Project

I have just completed my first sewing project. It wasn’t perfect but it was REALLY fun to work on. Marc got stuck helping me pick out fabric and listening to me whine about when I would make mistakes or when it just wasn’t as perfect as I wanted or when it took me FOREVER to finish it! He was such a trooper and it is officially done! This was for a baby shower for my dear friend Megan. Her little one will be here soon and we have been anxiously awaiting this little girl. I must admit I was a little sad to give away my first project but I was so glad that it went to a good home and that they will truly enjoy and appreciate it. The picture doesn't quite show it but this is a fringed, fleece baby blanket. It actually is really easy to make as long as you don't have to take out any seams....not that I know from experience :)

Date Night

Bah! I didn’t even know things like date night even existed anymore! Over the last few years Marc and I haven’t been blessed with very many date nights and now I feel like I am getting them all the time. It was so nice to just be out and about and pretend to be like normal married couples. Marc and I used a coupon from my birthday to get some cheap Cold Stone ice cream and then went to go see Hunger Games. I really didn’t enjoy the filming of the movie because I don’t love this new style of being so close to the people but it was so nice to be out and about with Marc. We came home and enjoyed snuggling on the couch before falling asleep. I can’t wait until next week!

Coming Home to Marc Cleaning

There was a night this week where I was just done. I felt overwhelmed by work and school and just wasn’t even sure where to go. I was feeling hopeless and had just gotten off of my late night at work. I walked in my front door and found Marc cleaning our house. It was the sweetest thing in the entire world!!! I couldn’t have loved him any more than I did in that moment. What a lucky girl I am!

Days Off For Me!

I found out the coolest thing today at work. I have some vacation days that will expire if I don’t use them. However, this means that I can take off some days around Memorial Day and I don’t have to feel guilty about it at all. How awesome is that!!!!

My Birthday

Alright, the inevitable has come…. I have turned 23. I have no objections to the age but I really wasn’t looking forward to this because 23 is my LEAST favorite number to sign. That might seem like a silly reason to other people but I have whined about it quite a bit. I almost thought about copying my mother and not aging after the age of 22. I didn’t think that would be fair however because I wouldn’t stop aging for my mother but I would stop aging over a silly number. However, my 23rd birthday was simply amazing! We were able to enjoy Marc’s new schedule and celebrate together. We had dinner at Oregano’s and went to see a movie. We were able to relax and enjoy the time together and it was perfect. I am so grateful to have had another year and to have had such a great year. I am looking forward to what this next year will bring and to see what new possibilities are in my future.

AZTI

It is official, I have gone completely crazy. There is an amazing immersion program offered in Arizona for ASL. It is a 5 day long excursion and you have to be entirely voice-off for those 5 days. Can you really imagine me being able to not talk for 5 whole days? However, it is supposed to be the best thing that I could possibly do for my signing. I am really excited to have this opportunity and am grateful that I will know some people there but I also know that this will be really hard. I am just warning people that when I am done I will probably be making some really long phone calls so that I can just talk again! I am super excited and really glad that Marc is so supportive in my endeavors. It will be an awesome experience. I can’t wait, which probably means I have gone crazy!!!!!

Marc's New Job

Marc was finally able to change security companies and he couldn’t be happier! This new change comes with its own sets of challenges. Marc now works graveyard and I don’t get to see him for 4 days of the week. Our schedule goes that he gets off of work and I go to work and then I come home and he is sleeping and then he wakes up and I am sleeping. However, it means that those other 3 days, he is all mine. We have been able to do things like go on day trips and spend time cleaning our house together. We even get to go to church together now. So losing those 4 days is worth having these 3 days together. I couldn’t be happier and luckily he loves his new job and feels the same way!!!

Why Me?

I would like to feel as if I keep a pretty cheery disposition about the medical issues that have come up in the last two years. I am sure that this is an illusion I have created for myself and I am no where as cheery as I would like to think. But lately, I seem to have a really bad case of the “Why me???” I find myself arguing that I did everything right before I was married and now I am being punished. I know that isn’t true but sometimes this is a hard trial to face. Marc and I had always talked about kids before we were married. We wanted our own little family with like 6 children. Well now it is looking that if we get one it will be a miracle. I have faith that the Lord has a plan and that children will come when they are meant to. I also know that if I can’t have children in this life that I will be able to in the next life, while in heaven. I think that knowledge has helped me through many difficult days because all of our losses will be made up to us and I believe that to be true During this time of my self-pity I received some inspiration by those who meant to share it and those who didn’t. The first was an email by a relative that explained their situation. I had no idea what struggles they had been facing and their insight and love was exactly what I needed! The second was from a blog that I follow. I have heard this quote before but I needed to hear it again that day. Boyd K. Packer said, "Some are tested by poor health, some by a body that is deformed or homely. Others are tested by handsome and healthy bodies; some by the passion of youth; others by the erosions of age. Some suffer disappointment in marriage, family problems; others live in poverty and obscurity. Some (perhaps this is the hardest test) find ease and luxury. All are part of the test, and there is more equality in this testing than sometimes we suspect." I know that I signed up for this trial and that I can beat it. I can face the world one day at a time and not become a victim of my circumstance. I can be the person I want to be and use this opportunity to become polished. I will win and I will remember this quote when I start to feel sorry for myself.

Playing at the Baptism

I have been attending the Spanish Branch along with my regular ward for the last few months and loving it. Well, no one loves 5 hours of church but I love being able to attend the Spanish Branch and so it is worth it. One of the things that I have discovered with this Branch is that I am one of the few people who can play the piano. It is a really neat experience to know that my skills are truly needed. In every other ward I have ever attended, I feel like half of Relief Society can play the piano and at least 80% of them can play better than me. Being in this Branch has really made me want to improve my piano skills because they are needed and they aren’t just a nice benefit. But with this talent that I have comes obligation. I was recently asked to play for a baptism and I was so scared. They wanted me to play a song that had lots of runs and required lots of practice but sadly it didn’t get as much as it needed. When it came time for the baptism I was just praying that I wouldn’t butcher the entire thing too badly. I was relieved to see that the program had changed and I was only going to have to play one song and that was the one that I could definitely play. I felt like the Lord had answered my prayers and I wouldn’t have to worry about ruining this young man’s baptism but would still be able to provide the music for this special day. It was a really neat experience and I look forward to being able to play again soon.