Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Um... Yeah

So I am aware that I left my Jerusalem trip just hanging after a few days of postings and I also know that it happened over 6 months ago and I have some catching up to do.  I also know that the last semester has been a little bit rough for all involved.  I have done some pretty crazy things in my schooling career, like taking TOO many credits at one time, but nothing could have prepared me for the last few months.  I have worked full-time, school full-time, internship full-time, and got over 80 hours of observation in and that was all just one semester.  Let me just say that I am a little bit crazy now and a very tired.  I graduate this Friday with a certificate of interpreting and I am really proud of how far I have come.  I get to test next weekend for my EIPA and we will see what happens there.  I feel "ready" but I don't know how that will translate into scores.  I am excited for the opportunity and I want it documented that I am proud of who I am and that isn't based on a test score.  I have learned to see the good in situations that I could only critique before and I have learned to enjoy the quiet moments.  It isn't good to rush all the time and I have had to make it a point to stop and smell the roses. 

Our lives have been absolutely crazy since Christmas and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me.  The day after Christmas (and a Christmas that I spent mostly alone), Marc announced that he wanted to join the military.  I immediately tried to squash the idea because this isn't the first time that this idea had come up but it didn't work very well.  Marc was really serious this time and I knew it was time to get my act together.  I started emailing friends and Melissa's friends to get advice on what to expect and what they wished they had known going in.  This group of women (I wanted the spousal opinion) has been amazing and their information has been invaluable.  There is one woman in particular that I have never met and yet she has been quite the rock for me as this journey has progressed.  I don't know what I would have done without them. 

In other news, it looks like I have the potential to be out of job come July 1st.  Nothing has been decided and it isn't based on anything I have done.  The powers that be have decided that they are targeting the library that I work for and that includes all of the staff.  Both city and county are really pushing for budget cuts and they feel that closing the library is the best answer to those needs.  The library is fighting and trying to suggest other ways of cutting costs but I don't know what will happen or where I will be working in just a few months or if I will have a job. 

Basically our lives have been upside-down-and-inside-out.  However, I have come to learn a very valuable lesson and that is peace.  I have always been one to need a plan and I have all sorts of plans.  I have daily plans, weekly plans, monthly plans, short-term plans, long-term plans, and plans for all of the other plans.  I really like to know where I am going and what will happen next.  I know that there is a plan for our family and I know that it will happen when it is supposed to happen.  But as our world changes and becomes less sure and more unpredictable, I have found myself clinging to that testimony.  And honestly I feel at peace.  I know that we will be taken care of and I know that doesn't mean it will be easy.  I know that there is a reason that moving into the military isn't going smoothly and that there is a lesson to be learned here.  I know that there is a path for my life to go and that I will be okay.  I know that my worth isn't based on my grades at school or my work life but on who I am as a person.  I know that I have a fabulous family that loves and supports me and my family and that I will still be loved when I am a penniless soon-to-be-military wife.  I hope that I can remember this feeling of peace.  I made the comment to Marc that I have almost put myself in a panic attack because I was panicking about not panicking.  But I am not panicking and I have found peace.  I hope that you can find peace in your life and enjoy the little moments.  It is Kiara snuggling with me first thing in the morning, or getting to see the flowers bloom, or being home earlier than expected, or having someone give you a special paperclip (that story deserves its own post).  Whatever brings you a little bit of joy and peace into your life, embrace it and never let the worries of the world damper the peace and warmth that the Son can bring.