Friday, October 18, 2013

Loop Holes

Over the three years of our marriage (well particularly the last two and half) Marc has gone for different career paths with different departments.  We always prayed about each career move and felt really good about each one.  However, time after time we found ourselves going nowhere fast.  I was starting to question whether we were capable of getting revelation because we had clearly gotten it wrong so many times!  I mean how many times can you get turned down when knowing it was the right thing to do?  When Marc talked about wanting to go military I wasn't super thrilled but eventually got onboard with the decision.  I knew it was right for our family and though it wouldn't always be fun it would be worth it.  And the best part???  Once you actually sign the contract then it is a done deal.  Well Marc signed the contact and we just had to wait for the October jobs to roll out, waiting wasn't anything new so we waited.  And guess what..... the government shut down.  Seriously, it happened and guess what there were no October jobs.  I know that I can't take the credit for the government shut down but someone in heaven must think it is funny.  I must not have learned my lesson in patience and it must not have been highly looked upon that I was trying to find ways around being rejected again.  Really, all the shut down meant for us was more waiting.  Marc will still leave and this new life will still start.  However, I have learned that nothing is impossible.  So I will stop trying to find loop holes and maybe that will make things smoother in the future....

This ability to try and find loop holes also comes in us not having children.  All of our married friends that were married about the time we were either have two kiddos or just announced that their new bundle of joy is on their way (the last one announced tonight).  I am so happy for their families but I wish that I could have that same happiness in our home.  Marc and I have been married for three and half years now and thanks to my endometriosis we haven't had that miracle yet.  And in Mormon culture we have been married FOREVER and I constantly get asked about kids and our plans.  Now I can't express how grateful I am for the progress that we have made over the years.  Three years ago I spent most days in bed, unable to move, unable to care for myself.  I now am strong enough that I can workout again.  I won't be running any marathons any time soon but I can go for a run and not end up in bed.  Miracles have happened in our lives and progress has been made.  However, I am not patient as I wait for God's timing.  My heart aches every year as I watch the Primary Program (in fact some years I just stay home) or as Mother's Day passes (again the same thing!).  However, my little family is perfect the way it is and one day that perfection will include kiddos.  Until then, I will continue snuggling with the kitties and claiming other people's children as my own.  And I guess I should stop trying to find loop holes here too and find joy in the journey.